Hurts to Love You
by LilacDreams
Summary: Draco and Harry had a fight. So what are they thinking? Differences and doubts between the two are shown and the pain they have endured are revealed...Please review!


Lyrics in grey are taken from a song titled "Illness Illusion" written by Gackt.

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters or worlds written in this fanfiction.

This is my very own first fanfiction! So please feel free to submit your reviews or any comments that you wish to tell me. Words in italics are lyrics and not really related to the story much.

Hurts to Love You...

-Draco-

Night again. I find myself restlessly tossing around in bed, wishing for sleep to claim my consciousness and let me forget the reason behind all of this unease. Finding my prayers unanswered, I stood up irritably and sat by entrance of the Slytherin dungeons. I know it's futile, but still I wait for you, your familiar footsteps and voice, whispering the password in a hushed voice. Your voice, its rich and luscious sound always comforts me as you wrap your strong and slender arms around my waist, eager to see me. Why do you always make me feel insignificant even when you vow that I'm the only one for you?

It was my fault again, wasn't it? If I had just opened my mouth and told you how I really felt, you wouldn't have stormed out of the room, your emerald green eyes flashing with barely suppressed anger. Every time we met, you would gaze longingly at me, begging for a reply. Oh how it breaks my heart so much when you turn away, your expression so dejected. It was not that I was ashamed of you, but... the looks of hate and utmost loathing your friends bestow on me. It was enough for me to want to hide my face somewhere else and call for my mother. How could I let them know what we have been doing? It could ruin your relationship between them, hatred between our houses. I wanted to be discreet, without me to make your life a mess. Famous Harry Potter and the Infamous Draco Malfoy, together? The boy whose father was a Deatheater? My lips slowly curl into a bitter smile as I thought of what others would say. I just want to graduate, and then we can be together, not caring of what others would think. I want to just go and be able to declare my love for you freely. Then there's no need to hide. You don't know how badly I want for us to be together our whole lives... but are you truly ready for such a commitment? I've psyched myself up last night, wanting everything to be perfect as I pocketed the velvet box... and then you came and asked me why I always shunned you whenever there were others around. Isn't being the silent person who comforts you at the back enough for now? Can't you understand that?

So many unanswered questions lingering in my mind. So much doubt lurking in the shadows. But for now, I just want you back... I want to be safe in your arms. Please, come back to me? I wish for the warmth and comfort I always find when I snuggle up to you, your arms forever protecting me. As if the time had stopped and we would forever stay in this position together and that the first rays of sunlight would never shine through the curtains, telling me that morning was here and the beautiful time we had the night before has ended.

_-----------------------------------------------_

_Your voice softly whispered_

_Where are you..._

_I also grew accustomed to despair_

_At the end of the world_

_----------------------------------------------_

-Harry-

It hurts. You don't know how many nights I've stayed up wondering why you always felt the need to hang all over Blaise Zabini like that. Aren't I good enough for you? You don't understand at all. I want you to be just mine and no one else's. You talk about Zabini and Pansy whenever we're together, and no matter how subtly you compare Zabini and I, it's still transparent enough to make me think that you want him more than you want me. I know I'm no knight in shining armor, but I don't want to pretend to be some fairy tale hero living in a very real world. Everything I did has to be everyone's expectations of Harry Potter, the Boy who Lived. You, being a Slytherin, and me, the famous Harry Potter, epitome of all things Gryffindor. We have to pretend to be enemies everytime we meet, us scowling at each other as though we'd give anything to cut each other's throats. All the more this makes me feel insecure, I find myself wondering whether our relationship was just one of your crazy flings. It was just a typical question... you didn't have to be mad. People like me always find the need to ascertain their status in their lovers' lives. I need to know where I stand in your life, a lover to be forgotten tomorrow? Do you know how many times I've wished I was of the opposite sex, then we would have been perfect for each other. As a woman, you wouldn't need to hide our relationship from others. It hurts to even think that you are ashamed of me. You always turn me away when I seek some sort of intimacy or even just a small acknowledging smile outside our secret meetings. I couldn't tell you I was only looking for comfort. A sign that you feel the same way I do.You say you love me, but why do I see someone else's reflection in your eyes? I want you to want me for who I am and not for who the books or people say Harry Potter should be.

I prepared myself just for that night and asked you the question I had been waiting to ask for ages. But then instead of the answer I had hoped for, you had just kept quiet. What did that silence mean? Did it mean that I was not perfect enough for you? At that moment, I wanted to go back to my own room, wondering why you were always so cold when I had always hoped to be perfect enough to satisfy you...

----------------------------------------------------------------

_Break down the peace that's preserved in silence_

_Before the time when light will fall comes_

_---------------------------------------------------------_

-Draco-

Does it always have to be this way between us? Loving so little and hating so much? But that's just it, I don't hate you... not in the least... I love you and that is why I can be so difficult. I get jealous of other couples, wishing and wanting happiness for both of us. I feel the need to constantly remind myself that you are here by my side, and that you belong to me and no one else.

Almost three and you haven't returned yet. Have I driven you away for good? Will you still return to me before the sun rises as you always did before?

I push away from the entrance and walk up to the dresser where one precious silver frame rests. I trailed my fingers over the intricate patterns remembered our wonderful times together. It was a picture we had taken in Hogsmeade while our shook off our friends for just this one picture. We looked so carefree and sure back then, weren't we? Tears blur my eyes but I still caught sight of a small black velvet box hiding behind the frame.

Come back to me. Please... come back.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------  
_In this world that melts away, I'll continue to love you_

_Faltering and lost and unneeded_

_Come here with me..._

_------------------------------------------------------------------_

-Harry-

I want to be perfect just for you... then maybe I can see myself in your eyes when I look into them. But then, I will become just one fairy tale hero living in a very real world. Weren't you trying to tell me something last night? You looked so nervous and determined at the same time. I pick up a framed photo of us together in Hogsmeade. It says here that you will love me into eternity... do you still feel the same way now that I've screwed it all up?

The sun will rise soon, and with that is the need I have to reconcile with you. Past hurt can be buried... love can flourish again like a divine phoenix rising from the ashes. Will you take me back in your arms like you always did before?

I see you standing in the middle of your room, those dearly beloved arms opening wide to welcome me back. You don't know how much I miss this... I missed you.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

_In this world that melts away, I'll continue to talk to you_

_Everything is now like a memory_

_-----------------------------------------------------------------_

-Draco-

I don't want you to be perfect... just be yourself. Whichever way you want to be doesn't matter... because even then, I will always be the man in love with you.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------  
_In this world that melts away, I'll continue to love you_

_Faltering and lost and unneeded_

_Come here with me..._


End file.
